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Monday, November 03, 2003

Financially secure man wants a playmate to spoil

I have tried online dating services with little positive result. It is an interesting reflection on real world dating services; there is a significant investment of time and effort, and it is clearly a venue where men are the hunters and women are the hunted.

I have no end of people who are willing to "set me up" with a woman. In the mid-thirties, all of these become relationships with a long term goal of a "serious" relationship. Expectations can be high, and for women of similar age, time may be especially precious.

Of course if this is not my intention, it is deceptive to even go on a date. It is very uncertain how a relationship will turn out, but it is not in my nature to presuppose it will be serious. It just seems like long odds.

In the movie Splash!, one of my favorites, Darryl Hannah's character is a male fantasy. She loves her man, appears to have a nudity fetish, has incredible sexual appetite but remains innocent, is dependent, and, at least initially, can't talk. ;-) But importantly, she does not seek commitment, only fun together for the limited time they have. The dates they go on are disasters, but they have fun anyhow.

Maybe that's what I'm looking for. A mermaid. No, seriously, I would like to think that I value independence, and I definitely do. I don't want somebody who waits for me. But on the other hand, I enjoy helping clients, employees, and others. I like to feel that people rely on me. Perhaps that's a character flaw, since it might be a factor in the kinds of girlfriends I have attracted in the past. Dependency is a subtle point in the Rent or Own posts below.

In today's glib pop psychology, everybody can talk about being codependent. Is it good, bad, or natural? A certain amount of co-dependency is at the root of all social structures, from families to cities. A lot of biology is dedicated to it, from altruistic behavior in insects to maternal instinct and breast feeding in mammals.

Why fight biology? I'll dive into dependencies cheerfully. I'll talk later about how it's burned me. But avoidance of being burned is no fun at all. Of course I say this as a amateur race driver, rock climber, sky diver, and entrepreneur, so risk is something I obviously like...