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Saturday, May 08, 2004

Northern Europe and NYC

I took a trip to Europe. Several people speculated that I went with a Seattle area provider that everybody seems to get obsessed over, but that was baseless rumor (or wishful thinking). No, I visited three countries and returned to NYC for more misadventures.


A while ago I wrote about a Norwegian ex-provider in Manhattan who worked for one of the high end services where you have to drop in at their business location to look through photos before you can make a date. She is "H", single white female, Slavic looks, modeling portfolio. She was in NYC on an acting school scholarship from Norway (believe it or not), but the seduction of the NY party life distracted her from her mission. So she left the party life and moved back to Europe to finish her education. She is not a provider any longer, went drug free, enrolled at college in Copenhagen majoring in economics, got a job, and partied, well, less. Now at the ripe older age of 24, H is looking for a way to get back to the US to push her acting career, such as it is. The problem? A visa, or green card. Enter Sigmund Fuller, eligible bachelor, with portfolio of connections.

Well, not really. At least she's never said it this way, and I was quite clear that I couldn't help her. But over many months of IM and SMS contact, she has made it clear she is interested in a BF/GF relationship, as crazy as it might sound given the distance. She offers to fly out to the US or anywhere I go, even for visits as short as 24 hours. What can I say, it must be the charm...

...of my wallet? ;-)

Last November we tried out a five day visit in NY, and she was attentive, enthusiastic, and "seemed" interested.

So I met her in Copenhagen last weekend. Although the forecast was for rain, it was a spectacular weekend, a little cool, but very sunny. We spent a bunch of time at Tivoli, the outdoor amusement park in the city, as well as her apartment, a few shops, and at the d'Angleterre Hotel.

Copenhagen is a lovely city, about the population of downtown Seattle but without high rises (technically there are two high rises, but then they passed a ban on them, so the city looks pretty traditional.) There is one main shopping area, their Fifth Avenue, which is cobblestones and overhead hanging lamps. On a sunny day the canals are lined with beer patios and citizens and musicians all having a grand time. Inside the old world architecture is a strong appreciation for modern (Danish) design. Soothing environments and colors are omnipresent. This is a country that appreciates beautiful design.

Oh, and by the way, if you're interested in seeing their number one landmark, the "Little Mermaid", don't bother. I guarantee you'll be disappointed.

H had boasted over IM that she was exceptional at sex. She said she would make me "forget all the other girls." Unfortunately for her, since my Asia trip, I have new definitions of "exceptional," and she is exactly what an early-twenties party girl would think is exceptional: Energetic. Her basic skills are quite good, but it is her enthusiasm and energy, along with her sunny lack of inhibition, that make the difference. Her clear desire to be a GF made it fun. Her looks improved, as she's been working out. In fact, she has a job as a personal trainer. But I'll confess that her slavic facial features are a little severe for my ideal. And although her English is excellent, I can only take so much talk about being an actress. Her conversational pool is strictly shallow end.

But the sex, ah, the sex. I don't know how many of you remember the movie "Splash!" with Darryl Hannah. There were a series of scenes that implied they had a lot of sex in a short time. This was my experience with H in Copenhagen. Sex here, sex there, sex everywhere. Hotel, bathroom, garden, under the restaurant table, in the dressing room at a shop in Copenhagen's new mall, and in the Turkish bath at the basement of the hotel. She was non-stop. And although toward the end I was starting to get bored with her lack of conversational breadth, she was always able to interest me with that other kind of oral intercourse.

She dropped me off at the airport, walked me to security, and asked if she could visit me that weekend in NYC. For a variety of reasons (that you'll read about shortly) I could not do this, although I was sorely tempted (and sore, but that's another story). I promised to check my schedule for the next time and place we could meet. She'll be at Cannes during the Festival with her girlfriend, looking for a connection to the US. I hate Cannes. So booooooring, dah-ling! Nothing to do but eat and drink and stare at women at those terrible yacht parties. ;-)

BTW, while in Copenhagen, I met the queen, her son, and his fiancee. Apparently he is engaged to be married to an ex-Microsoft Australia employee he met at the Sydney Olympics. He was quite unlike that more famous "price of Denmark", with a better relationship with his mother, and his fiancee seemed far less, uh, troubled than Ophelia. ;-)


I arrived in Helsinki late at night. It does not have the old world charm of Copenhagen, being somewhat more haphazardly developed and more democratically organized. Finland is only recently an independent nation (think 1917) and the first to give equal rights to women (1906 and 1930), having been a Grand Duchy of Sweden for 600 years, and then under the Tsar of Russia for a century. When they became independent, they decided against having a king or queen, but in compromise decided that their president would live in a "palace." Unfortunately it appears they were short on palaces at the time, so they put him in what looks like a 19th century low-rise office building. I found this out when I accidentally walked up to the front door and asked the single palace guard in front for directions to a local bar. I have co-workers with more home security than this guy!

I had more work in Helsinki than Copenhagen, but I invited a former co-worker from about 10 years ago to fly up from London (her own expense). We stayed separate rooms at the Hotel Kamp, where I had a suite and she had a smaller room. The hotel was famous for being the Finnish version of a Bohemian hangout, where poets, artists, and musicians of slightly unsavory character would while away the nights. The suite was about six times larger than her room, and was named after a famous Finnish poet that probably died in the hotel bed. They had just completed a remodel, and the place was very nice.

This friend "N" is older then my usual interest range, in fact she is over 40 and thus older than me. She went through a big health-conscious stage, going macrobiotic, yoga, and so on, and a side effect is that she's very attractive for a 40 year old. We never had a thing going at work, although she asked me out a few times. When she would ask me why I didn't date her, I'd tell her that I didn't date coworkers. I did take her to one Christmas party, but it was purely chaste, even when sleeping off the afterparty in the same bed. But she was nice, in a slightly weird way.

N was the one who suggested going to a show club in Helsinki called Alcatraz Club. It was an eclectic strip club with very strange decor. I was a bit uncomfortable, never having been with N in a remotely sexual situation. There were a few couples there, unlike most US strip clubs, and there was a lot of sexual ambience. Given she had written at least two books on Internet resources, I started to wonder if she knew all about this ahead of time, but in any event after a half dozen drinks in me, her willingness started to look very good. You know, something about upping the rate of sexual activity to, say, six times a day, seems to get my libido recalibrated to the new level of demand pretty quickly, and my reptilian brain was telling me that at 24 hours I was long overdue for some activity.

So what can I say? My friend and I ended up in my suite with Swedish erotica on the set. She acted like sex was water and she just came off a week stranded in the desert. That evening I officially qualified as macrobiotic!

As far as I can remember, I've never crossed over friends to sex. There was a little discomfort the morning after, but I'm told there's an ointment for that. ;-) Just kidding. Was the guilt worth it? Yes. There are no strings, and it was fun. We connected very well, and it was rare to have a fellow geek to hook up with. (Dakota and Tasha Ray are probably the next closest geek providers I knew, but both were nowhere near N, who is also an adjunct professor in mathematics at a major university.) Perhaps I should try it more.

We then went to London together. On the flight over N told me not to worry about it, it was just fun, and not to get hung up over "sex for fun." There was a little problem, though... I had an appointment in London.


We arrived in Heathrow and went into town. I made some excuses about having work commitments, but N naturally was expecting to stay with me that night. Originally she had a previous engagement, but this event mysteriously disappeared. Unfortunately, I had a month-old reservation with a beautiful gal Anais I had met in Manchester on a previous visit, and I had been looking forward to it for some time. N was great, but she wasn't the bundle of young sexual energy I was looking for.

Anais is young, fresh, and remarkably mature for her age. This phrase, "remarkably mature for her age" appears often in reviews of escorts, leading me to believe that hobbyists must meet a large number of woman who are remarkably immature for their age. But in this case it is deserved. She acts like a gal who had top scores at finishing school, and I'd commend her even more highly if not for the NYC experience that followed. And Anais isn't outrageously expensive. (Although there are far better deals to be had from the eastern Europeans that have flooded the London market.) My appointment included premium seats to the sold out show Jailhouse Rock, and dinner at Zuma.

Well, I wasn't able to pry myself out of N's clutches to keep my appointment, so I had to cancel with Anais. When I was able to sneak out to call her mobile, she was courteous enough to seem bummed out. But I offered my tickets if she'd pick them up from the concierge. Indeed she was willing, and she told me that she would call me when she arrived so we could at least say "hello."

Anyhow, I told N that I had a visitor. N presumed it was business. As N lived in London, she went to check on her apartment or something and consequently was not with me when the concierge called to tell me that Anais had arrived.

I went down to meet her, and she had brought Mimi, who was her bisexual girlfriend. Anais mentioned that they would be taking in the show together, and then whispered in my ear, "Too bad you're not coming out with us tonight since Mimi's been wanting to meet you." And she licked my ear. I mentally cursed the fact that I could not extend my stay in London, since I had yet another rendezvous scheduled in NYC, but tried to make a reservation for "next time." She acted coy and said that she needed to check her email, so could she come up to my room? Well, I wasn't born a complete idiot (idiocy is a learned behavior), so I assented.

In London I stay at a boutique hotel called the Halkin that has almost an excess of high design decor. But it's a nice hotel and I like the concierge a lot. Mimi and Anais came up, make some noises about my cool notebook computer, and then without any embarassment Anais said, "Mimi, you can use the computer. I'm going to have a word with Mr. Fuller." She pushed me into the bedroom and without warning and in less than 2 seconds was dictating to my better half!

Ok, I'm exaggerating. It was probably more like 10 seconds. And it's only really my better 1/20th.

By WEIGHT, of course! ;-)

After I got my eyes uncrossed, I saw Mimi in the doorway, acting, well, lacivious. She cooed, "Anais, you know I've never touched a man's willie, can I touch his?"

Now let's be clear. One of the things I like about Anais is that she role plays with the mind of a Penthouse Forum staff writer. So I knew this was a setup. But it was a great setup, and given the impromptu nature of the encounter coupled with the blood rushing away from my brain, I could almost convince myself it was true.

Needless to say the coquettish, virginal, lesbian Mimi got exposure to several new experiences, from the feel of a man's member, to the proper way to pleasure it, to the art of the finish.

The whole thing lasted a bit over a half hour. And I tipped them more than the tickets, and then rang housekeeping to tidy up the room while I prepared for dinner.

After a long but ambiguous night of talking about our friendship, followed by snuggling with N. N and I had resolved that our friendship was primary, and a little sex wasn't bad since we wouldn't see much of each other. With that reassurance, I left the next day for NYC.


New York is my home, or at least my other home. It's an area where I am very comfortable.

You may recall I wrote before about a mistress "T" that was looking for a new patron. She lives in Seattle (and in fact was a referral from a local hobbyist who prefers to remain anonymous). You may recall that I had rejected her proposal and at the time of my writing, she hadn't answered my rejection.

Well, it turned out T had a personal crisis, and claimed this had affected our trial period. A parent was diagnosed with cancer, and as the sole child she was coordinating the family response. She was understandably hard to get a hold of during that time, and somewhat preoccupied. My rejection came during the chemotherapy when T was in her parent's home state. After the immediate crisis had stabilized, which was a few weeks after my rejection, T contacted me and told me what had happened. She said that she felt a strong connection with me, but knew that the trial hadn't gone well, so she wanted to give it another try, for at least a couple of days.

Well, it wasn't the typical sob story, but I've been shined on before, pretty badly in fact. T knew this and was a good sport about verifying her story. I felt like a heel doing it, and I realized that T has never lied to me (as far as I know, of course!)

My previous report on T said that she was smart, sexy, and her service balanced out to nearly the top providers' equivalents. (In fact, an acquaintance had dated T and made a comparison to a top Seattle provider. Initially I disagreed, but that was probably due to the first encounter being at 3 AM.) Hanging out with T was different than with many (but not all) other providers: for one thing, T was deeply well-adjusted, intellectually independent, entirely drug free, not heavily tattooed, far more monogamous, and socially classier. I liked her, but it seemed dangerous since the traditional provider-hobbyist or even mistress-married man boundaries weren't there. And my experience in Korea kind of ruined me around that time.

But what's life without danger? T herself suggested a date range since her mother's condition had stabilized, so I made arrangements to meet her in NYC on the return leg of my Europe trip. It was relatively convenient to where her parent lived, so it seemed quite reasonable.

The weather was marvelous, sunny and mild in NYC for the three days we had together. We dined at Spice Market and Jean Georges. We saw Wicked. We talked through the waning moon over after they shut down the lights of the Empire State Building. We compared books and disagreed. We talked politics. And we had great sex, in a variety of locations: recently I've been going through some kind of public spaces fetish, I guess.

We even discussed my experiences in Asia, and she talked about how she'd love to learn those techniques... because, in her words, then she could "rule the world." Now that's a thought...

T is quite liberal artsy, having worked in politics, journalism, and even a bit of liberal activism. And sometimes she acts a bit too... preppy? Radcliff-ish? So she isn't perfect. And if she was a real girlfriend instead of a mistress, I could see some real arguments in our future. ;-)

On the physical side, T is beautiful, and for whatever reason, she prefers not to show off in public. I had to ask her to bring a dress... but one of the ones she brought nearly broke my zipper.

Her face is very pretty. She has a wonderful way in which she arches her eyebrow in conversation that, to me, is very sexy, and she smiles a lot. She has chestnut hair with artificially-enhanced red streaks.

Her sexual performance was great. Perhaps some of it was her mind being clearer with the stabilization of the medical emergency. Or perhaps it was the addition of the stress that gave her the additional energy. But the encounters were quite like the early stages with a girlfriend, when it's really good and she really seems to want and need you.

I had meetings most of the day she was scheduled to leave, so I said my goodbyes from the room when I left that morning. She was tired, but she awakened, told me she had a wonderful time, and said she would get a hold of me shortly.

By the way, one of my meetings that day was with J, the jet-setting, island-owning, model-porking, morals-lacking guy I travelled to hell and back with earlier. He did not invite me to another party. So I guess I failed that test. ;-)

But he's going to Cannes. He's interested in hooking up with Paul Allen there. Maybe he'll meet US visa-seeking H there and they'll solve each other's problems.


Counting the good ol' US of A, this was four countries and four different partners (I'll count G and Mimi as one) in about a week. Most renumeration was in kind; this mostly wasn't about paid providers.

So does anybody know of:

1) A gay hollywood man looking for a marriage of convenience to a Norwegian wife seeking a carte verte? H is willing to pay $5000 or more per year for the two years needed.

2) A macrobiotic scientist who will treat a smart gal with a comfortable investment portfolio nicely?

3) A rich married guy willing to spend over $100k/year for a classy and skilled courtesan?

Maybe I should start a matching service! ;-)


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