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Thursday, May 20, 2004

A New York Fantasy (NC-17)

First some disclaimers. This is not a true story, nor am I sure that I want it to be (although somebody is welcome to try to convince me otherwise!)

I had fun writing it, and I hope you have fun reading it. And, yes, it is supposed to be tongue in cheek.

If you are offended by a sexual story, well, uh, what the hell are you doing on my blog?

WEDNESDAY: THE AWAKENING

Trump International Hotel and Towers, 10:42 AM

Even before noon it was a hot day in Metropolis, and despite his cool reputation even Superman wasn’t about to help out. From my air-conditioned perch I had a three hundred foot vantage point above sweaty tourists, a cool view from a glass and steel refrigerator at the corner of a sweltering Central Park.

Behind me a disturbed sleep had twisted the bed sheets into a bizarre frieze of crazy swirls and folds. If I hung them on my balcony now, by nightfall I could expect a keening crowd of supplicants seeing the face of Jesus, Elvis, or maybe Alan Greenspan, the personal idols of those seeking meaning in their lives of loudly amplified desperation.

But I could do without the crowds, so I merely left the sheets for possible deification by the maid and made my way through my hotel suite to the door. As I had expected somebody had quietly slipped a gold-embossed envelope through the nearly air-tight crack under the door, probably a bell boy sweating under the baleful gaze of the do not disturb sign.

I freed the letter from its gummy prison and unfolded the crisp linen finish stationery. The banner above implied that Donald Trump was my pal, but I knew it lied; Donald hadn’t spoken with me since I drove his Barchetta into the reflecting pool at Casa Lago. But his general manager hardly kept track of Donald’s driving insurance rates, and afforded me the obsequious pleasantries reserved for foreign dignitaries, lesser royalty, and regular patrons with an ever-rustling tipping hand. Indeed this letter was the staff informing me via Waterman of their meticulous arrangements for the day. My eye scanned the flowing script.

Had I been Jove, a nimbus of lightning would have surrounded my head and cleared my clouds straightaway. The car bearing Teresa Lorna, the muse of the heavens, was due shortly! Oh, frabjous day! I leapt for joy and nearly knocked over a flower vase.

“Get a grip on yourself,” I muttered. In fact that suddenly seemed like a great idea. A good “grip” might relieve my suddenly growing “interest” compounding somewhere at the level of my front pocket and rising rapidly toward my belt buckle. In fact, it was a positively throbbing interest. But then I remembered the pact to which Teresa made me swear: that I would not allow anybody but her to satisfy me until Saturday night.

I looked at my watch. It indicated that Saturday was a bit less than three days away. But the watch was a damned Complication with all those mysterious extra hands, half moons, and more dials than an airplane control panel, so maybe...

I looked at the wall calendar. And the damnable paper medium only confirmed the three day sentence.

Well, it wasn’t that bad, right? About 60 hours. About the time it would take for a leisurely read through The Lord of the Rings and the Simarillion, you know: the kind of leisurely reading when you bother to read all the songs. And the appendices. Even the ones about the different Elvish characters. Yeah, no problem. I had already denied myself for nearly a week while I was immersed headfirst in work, so what was another couple days?

But what if she took this seriously? What if she delighted in torturing my very soul, knowing that I would be denied release until Saturday? What if she dedicated every fiber of her considerable mental prowess toward days of pure evil?

No. This would not happen. Not my dear, sweet, friendly, submissive Teresa.

But then why was I sweating?

But throwing away any concerns, I made ready for her arrival.

WEDNESDAY: THE ARRIVAL

Four Seasons Dining Room, 1:18 PM

I was distracted from my conversation with Mike by the vibration of my smart phone. I unholstered it, upon which it emitted one shrill cry before I silenced it with the TALK key. Sandy Weil, holding court at his regular table near mine, had his underlings glare at me and rattle their briefcases ominously. Wrong this crowd and you’d never get credit again. They’d drop you in the river with your feet weighed down by third world debt issues. But I ignored them and begged the pardon of my lunch companion.

“This is the concierge. Per your instructions, the driver called to inform you that Miss Lorna's car is less than 30 minutes away.”

My heart raced. I quickly made excuses and stiffed Mike with the check, leaving him to try to explain to the Four Seasons’ staff why he should have his lunch comp’ed... “I’m the Mayor for cryin’ out loud!” Boy, put a billionaire’s holdings in trust and get him into public office and suddenly he’s cheap.

I made my way to the hotel to await Her arrival. True to the driver’s information, it was a short wait. But the buildup of hormones already had me quivering, counting every moment as if it were a lifetime.

At 1:45 PM, the car pulled up. I had a stage-side seat for the ballet the hotel staff call a VIP arrival. Fosse might have choreographed the scene at the height of his powers: the doorman strode to the rear door while a bellman nudged his rack into place by the entrance out of the way, then while the door was opened the bellman stepped next to the trunk just as the driver popped it open. Even as a pair of stunning legs was emerging from the car door, the doorman lent a hand to the passenger, the bellman was pulling luggage from the trunk, the driver was stepping out to tip his hat to the passenger, and the concierge was motioning the staff into a greeting line inside the lobby. But all this theater was stage left, in my peripheral vision. My eyes were dominated utterly by a soft focus vision of loveliness, the incomparable Teresa emerging from the car.

Despite a cross country flight, she looked as fresh as spring air. She floated up the entrance stairs as graceful as a gazelle, with a small smile as she greeted the staff. Of course as she saw me, her smile widened and brightened until the room lighting appeared to dim and my peripheral vision started to fade alarmingly. Reeling from the exposure, I murmured something nonsensical and guided her toward the elevator. Her first touch to my elbow to take my arm sent a shock through my system and the resulting electric arc knocked a nearby bellman unconscious. As we reached the elevator lobby, cherubs tossed garlands of flowers and sprinkled rose water over us. We escaped into the elevator wet and covered with soggy petals.

I vainly tried to remember my floor while I struggled to insert the passkey to get the elevator to move. My hand was trembling. Was I imagining a ghost of a superior smile from Teresa? It must have been a trick of the light, since she merely covered my hand with hers and guided me to firmly insert the key into the slot. Once in, within moments the earth moved and we were on our way. Teresa graced me with a welcome kiss that lasted through the entire twenty story trip, and left me reeling for the gilded handholds and cursing my evolutionary ancestors for abandoning the anaerobic life. Then the elevator stopped with a groan. Or perhaps the groan was from me. But we had arrived. Our floor. Our suite.

WEDNESDAY: FORESHADOWING

Trump International Hotel and Towers, 1:52 PM

Teresa acknowledged the roses I had arranged in her honor with a small smile. The view remained impressive, but somehow dimmed by the glory of her presence. She removed her shoes, curled her legs underneath her body in the couch, and accepted my offer of water with her characteristic grace.

For Teresa only the best, purest, most refined water would be acceptable. How could I ever dilute the noble chemistry of her character with anything else? To this end, I had procured nothing less than the legendary, fabled “eau de Trump”, collected from the holy waters of the woods of Penn, the home of the Burgs of the Pitts, and the source of the fabled Her and She rivers from whose rich, dark and creamy waters, it was said, one could brew an elixir of love that, when mixed with almonds, would drive any woman mad with desire. Unfortunately I must have predicted her wiring incorrectly, for she merely burst out in peals of laughter.

But moments later the bellman showed up with her luggage, which I directed to the master bedroom. She had packed remarkably light, which fueled my hopes that her clothing would be as scanty as my morals when it came to her. I rubbed my hands with anticipation, hoping beyond hope that we would be shortly locked in passion. Perhaps she had felt the same anticipation I had felt, and was pining for me while on the plane? Perhaps she had been crossing and uncrossing those fantastic legs in anticipation of meeting me?

I held her gaze and walked toward her. In my imagination the strains of a thunderous symphony was welling as I took her hand, pulled her to her feet, and then toward me, her beautiful eyes filling my vision, my heart and body suddenly feeling on fire...

“Would you like me to pour some water on that?”

I was confused. “What?” I said.

“Would you like me to pour water into the flower vase, sir?”

It was the bellman. Ordinarily a helpful, courteous, respectful young lad, I was amazed at how quickly he had turned into a mealy-mouthed, obnoxious, interfering brat. I threw some bills out of my pocket at him until he went away.

I turned back to Teresa... but she was gone! My mouth hung open as I contemplated the significantly humbled living room without her presence. I turned again, and saw a trail of clothing she had left, leading toward the bedroom. My eyes popped. My mouth went dry although paradoxically I was salivating heavily. I pushed my eyes back into place and wiped the drool off my chin, and staggered into the bedroom. I was having difficulty walking, but my persistence was rewarded by the awesome sight of Teresa’s naked body artfully arranged on the bed, with a small coverlet strategically enhancing the curve of her hip and the viola-like sweep of her torso. My knees buckled, I croaked something desperate, and I fell toward the vision in front of me.

“Silly boy,” Teresa said, giggling. I tried to shed my clothes, but my dexterity had apparently followed my intelligence and vocabulary, fleeing gibbering for parts unknown. Teresa skimmed her cool hands over the burning flesh of my face and chest as she helped me remove my shirt. When the slacks came off, she wrapped sinuously around me and tickled my thighs with her fingertips, cooing softly. I was mad with desire and pushed her back, preparing to ravage her.

Then, with a smile, she pulled away. Covering her privates with her arms, she said, “Naughty boy, don’t you remember your promise?”

I thought my life would end right there. It was like an icicle driven through my brain. Suddenly intelligence returned with its unwelcome guests: memory and dignity, and a fire hose of frigid reason it was using very liberally. I wilted, figuratively and literally. “Y-y-you don’t mean...”

“But of course, I do.”

I reflected on how I had never noticed how mischievous and devilish her expressions were. When did I think it was pure?

“But we really aren’t going to wait until Saturday, are we?” I asked, unable to keep a little plaintive tone from my voice.

“Oh, at least. Saturday is if you’re good.” She smiled. I reflected on how I had never noticed how evil her smile was.

“So we aren’t going to touch at all until Saturday?” I said, unable to keep from whining.

“Oh, no, no, no.” Teresa replied, “We’re going to touch a lot. Oh, yes, a lot. I’m going to touch you and tease you until Saturday... any way I want.” She laughed merrily. I reflected on how I had never noticed how sadistic her laugh was.

“You wouldn’t do that to me!” I said. When I looked back, Teresa had suddenly become taller, looking down at me sternly. I realized it was because I was on my knees.

“Now you wouldn’t break your promise to me, would you?” Teresa growled. Was it my imagination, or were her canines unusually sharp and long?

“No, of course not.” I sighed. I couldn’t remember if I was drunk when I made that pact, or merely insane without mitigating excuse. But if through some parallel dimension I were able to meet my past self, the nutjob who made that agreement, I would have strangled him right then and there. He wasn’t the guy who was looking forward to suffering the next 60 hours.

My hands shook as I noted the time: T minus 58... Teresa minus 58 hours.

WEDNESDAY: REALIZATION

5th Avenue, 3:20 PM

I had arranged for a romantic night. Teresa had packed light and needed a dress for the evening. What would make more sense than Fifth Avenue?

Fifth Avenue is an interesting place, crowded by different kinds of customers: There are tourists, who gawk at the world-famous stores on this storied via. There are the mainstay customers, who are older women who buy Jill St. John and keep the cosmetic surgeons in business by measuring their lives by the carat weight of their jewelry divided by their dress size and wrinkle count. Then there are the young female customers, the models, the actresses, the arm candy, the beautiful. The girls in the fantasies of the top designers when their runway fashions leapt out of their fevered brows.

Shopping is ordinarily an experience I rank just higher than surgical amputation. But with Teresa, it is joy.

Usually.

Today it was a unique mixture of pleasure and agony.

At Prada, she pressed her curvaceous rear against me when she bent over to look at a tag. She put her hands back and pulled my hips forward, and swayed a little. She looked back at me, her hair hanging over one eye as she felt my hardness against her. She smiled coquettishly, and then moved away. I had to stand close to the rack to avoid making a scene, pretending to be fascinated with the prices of women’s’ skirts.

Later Teresa found a long tight dress. She pulled me into the dressing room downstairs and backed me against the wall. She pushed against me and kissed me. Her head turned as her lips parted and our tongues entwined. A sudden heat flared in my head and I almost lost my balance as she thrust against me. Her mouth found my ear and breathed in it, raising the hairs on my arm. “I want you so badly,” she panted in my ear, raising her leg to press against my member. “I want you right here.”

She stood back, breasts thrust forward, and peeled down her clothing until she was completely naked. When she stepped out of her panties she backed against me, took my hand in hers and guided it to her womanhood. She stroked it with my fingers, cooing, “Do you feel how hot I am for you?” Again she thrust her rear against me, driving me crazy with lust.

Then she walked to the hook and pulled on the dress.

In the mirror it looked tight and sexy. And in the mirror I looked disheveled and stupid. In fact my jaw was hanging, the room was spinning, and I had no idea what was happening.

Teresa looked at me. Her look softened, “Poor dear,” she said, stepping up and feeling my erection. “We’ll have to do something about that,” she declared as she sat on her heels, unzipped me and pushed down my pants past my hips. Reaching in with her cool fingers she gently pulled it out and blew cool air on it. She looked at me with her soulful eyes and licked her lips. I heard myself moan. She adjusted her hold, and then moving down to her knees she kissed the head and licked the smear of juices from it. I could actually hear the pounding of my own heart in my ears.

“There, all clean.” she said, and gently replaced it. She smiled at me, got up, and pirouetted in front of the mirror.

It was then suddenly clear to me, and the realization struck me like lightning from the gods: I was a dead man.

WEDNESDAY: DENIAL

Per Se, Time Warner Building, 5:35 PM

Daniel was the best maitre d’ in New York City. I had first met him at the legendary original Bouley’s, where David Bouley’s incredible food experience started with the carefully orchestrated scents of apples and fruit in the entrance, and ascended to the fantastic French preparations of food accented with the productions of his own organic gardens. I had followed him to Ducasse, where Alain Ducasse built the most expensive tasting menu of that time, and now to Per Se, the new pinnacle of food mastered by Thomas Keller of the fabled French Laundry.

And it was fortunate indeed that I did know him for over ten years, since that was the only way I could get into the damned place. A kitchen fire had closed it down right after it opened, and the waiting list was full of the very rich, very famous and very impatient in New York itching to pay homage to this new chef.

When Teresa and I swept into the dining room entrance, the receptionist smiled at me. French restaurants in New York were famed for hiring models as the receptionists, and this woman had all the qualifications. But as bright as she may have shined, she was entirely eclipsed by Teresa, whose simple black dress drew stares from the men and daggers from their women.

Daniel saw me and hurried to me. He brushed right by Hilary Clinton and her party, bowed to me, and escorted us to our table. It was a table by the end, with a superb view. We sat across from each other, where I could regard Teresa’s gracefully plunging neckline.

Heads turned, but I hardly noticed, since my brain was in a fog. My entire body felt different, like my sex organs had swollen to the size of my body, and the rest of me had disappeared. I felt the air brush against my member as I walked, and could feel the pulse of it as my heart beat.

The plan was a relatively quick tasting menu, followed by the play Wicked, the latest Tony Award magnet based on the acclaimed book written by the same author who wrote Confessions of an Ugly Stepsister. I hoped the play could take my mind off of... of... well, away from wherever it was.

We were in the second or third course, and I had started to become more comfortable again. We were studiously ignoring the elderly gentleman at the next table who kept staring at Teresa. We were talking about the politics and evolutionary basis of racism, and my brain was warming up to the topic. I was making a point about maternal scent affinities crossing over to visual cues when I felt Teresa’s foot caress my leg. My voice slipped up, and I saw that devilish smile on Teresa again.

Her foot made its way between my legs, and she was teasing my member running down my thigh with her arched toes. My eyes started to roll back, but then, suddenly, a kind of anger rose in me. Clearly my brain was resisting being evicted by my other smaller but evolutionarily senior head. I grabbed her foot and squeezed hard, prompting a small squeal from Teresa. But she was still smiling when she said, “Is something wrong, lover?”

“Stop it,” I said, gritting my teeth, “stop teasing me like this. I won’t have it.”

“You won’t have it? Really?” she said, shifting sexily across from me. “You don’t want me to touch you?” She licked her finger slowly like a delicious lollypop, and looked at me longingly. She took my hand and traced her fingers over my palm. I shivered at the sensation and refused to be distracted by the elderly gentlemen apparently in cardiac arrest the next table.

“No, I won’t let you do this to me,” I said. “I have my pride.”

There was a long pause as Teresa looked at me, assessing me. Finally she looked away. “Ok,” she sighed, “I can see you are suffering, and I feel bad.” She looked contemplative. God, she looked sexy when she was like that.

“Ok, just this once, let’s get you straightened out so we can make it through the evening,” she said.

“What do you mean?” I asked.

“Come to the restroom with me.” she said simply, and she got up. I remembered that the restrooms were private here, one person per restroom.

“Give me a moment,” I said, realizing that her words and the thoughts flooding through my brain had made it difficult for me to make the walk through the dining room to the restroom.

“No, come now,” she stated, and walked towards the entrance. I tried to arrange my jacket to look decent, thought about dead puppies, and followed her, ignoring the waiters rushing to replace our napkins and the EMTs providing CPR behind us.

She almost roughly pushed me into a restroom and followed me in. She turned and locked the door. Without a word, she unbuckled me, pulled my garments down and slid my member into her mouth. Her lips held me tight and she swirled her tongue around me. I moaned, and threw my head back. It wouldn’t take long. She pulled off and then started to focus on the head with her tongue, building a rhythm that my body and breathing involuntarily started to follow. Her eyes watched me carefully.

Then suddenly she pushed me down her throat, her eyes flashed dangerously, and she bit down slowly but firmly on my head with her molars.

“Argh!” I cried. I pulled out a little, but was held firmly, so stopped. “What the hell?”

Teresa growled at the back of her throat, and stared at me. She shook her head a little, letting me feel her incisors. It hurt a little, but the sudden shock of it had almost pushed me over the edge.

She released me slowly, grabbing firmly with her hand. She sat back on her heels and gave me a hard stare. Then she loosened her grip and started to stroke me. She leaned forward and licked me. I groaned, confused.

She pulled away. “Do you want me to do this more?” she asked.

“Oh, god, yes!” I said.

Her other hand massaged me and she pushed her mouth over me. Then she pulled off again.

“You like that?” she said.

“Yes, please don’t stop.”

“I am going to stop,” she said. “I’m absolutely going to stop before you finish. Do you still want me to do it again?” And she squeezed me, causing me to groan again.

I could hardly think. The feeling was so good I couldn’t stand life without it. The wall of my pride was glass shattering under the pressure of my need.

“You could have more of this,” Teresa said, standing up, my penis still in her hand, and kissing me deeply. Then she let go of me and nuzzled and licked my ear. She took her hands and caressed my chest, teasing my nipples.

“Or you could have no more,” she said, and pouted. She cocked her head, her hair falling to one side, and smiled knowingly. “It’s your choice.” And she bent down again and almost touched my penis with her tongue, watching it pulse. “So do you want my mouth on you? Do you want to feel it against my throat? Do you want to feel my tongue caressing you? Even if I won’t let you finish?”

My pride shattered, and my lust surged like an unstoppable river bursting the dam. I heard myself say, as if from a distance, “Yes, please, yes do it. Even if you stop.”

Teresa smiled. “To deny me is to deny yourself.” My brain hardly registered the meaning of her words, when all thinking was banished by the thrust of her mouth, taking me deeply.

THURSDAY: ACCEPTANCE

Trump Hotel, 3:44 AM

It was a dark and stormy night. Suddenly a shot rang out! My shot. And it was great. No... wait...

I woke to sweaty sheets. It was only a dream, I realized with a groan of misery. I was in poor shape. My rising interest had become such a constant and pressing presence that whenever I was standing I was perpetually leaning to the left. Another day of this and I’d be casting votes for Nader.

The ivory cool body spooned against my rear didn’t help. Teresa was extra-ordinarily affectionate during the evening, gazing at me with her eyes, stroking my arm with her fingers, and pressing herself against me. We went to bed naked.

I usually don’t wear a watch to bed, but desperate times call for desperate measures. Earlier that day I sent the concierge out to buy me a Breitling chronograph to accurately measure the 180 thousand second countdown, ditching my complication.

I cursed as I read the watch face. Still 159,341 seconds to go.

I tried to positive about it. I had broken the two day barrier, it was less than 48 hours now. I had made it to Thursday. But Wednesday almost killed me, and it was a half day. I was only one fifth the way through. Darkness filled my thoughts. I groaned again in misery.

Teresa responded, half asleep. She snuggled closer, nestled her head against my neck, and rubbed my nipples, causing my erection to harden and my body to quiver.

I couldn’t sleep. I was exhausted, but the pent up sexual energy was keeping me awake.

I tried counting sheep. I was up to 124 sheep when I noticed that those soft, furry legs and shapely hindquarters were starting to look pretty damned good... damn, even that was getting to me.

Normally I would masturbate to relieve the tension.

I seized on that thought. Could I get away with that? It would probably take about two minutes in the condition I was in. And how would Teresa notice if I were quiet?

I looked at the night stand, but there was no tissue there for cleanup. It would have to be done in the bathroom. That would be better anyhow, since there was less chance of disturbing Teresa with motion or noise.

But I had promised!

Maybe that would have mattered ten hours ago, but my pride and honor had become a flimsy house of cards, easily scattered by the winds of sexual frustration.

I carefully untangled myself from Teresa’s arms and moved to the edge of the bed. I wanted to act natural, like I needed to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night. I rolled off the bed. Teresa had rolled in the other direction, clutching a pillow that was fortunate enough not to have made stupid promises. Her nude form draped on the bed was stunning, her legs long and tapered, and her breasts moving gently with her breathing. I stared, my lust growing again.

Maybe I could just ravish her. She’d be half asleep, and she was always responsive. But it was dangerous. She might say no. She stirred and moaned a little, and I noticed in horror that my hand had involuntarily reached out and stroked her leg.

I walked to the bathroom. My erection was hard in anticipation of the orgasm. The bathroom light was on very low. I shut the door, but not all the way, to avoid the sound of the latch. I carefully put the top seat down on the toilet and sat down on it, but it wasn’t that comfortable. So I pulled down two large towels and put them into the Jacuzzi bathtub. I lay in the bathtub and started to touch myself. Yes, it wouldn’t take long, but I wanted to intensify the feelings.

I stroked myself slowly, and then a little faster. My breathing quickened, and I fantasized about Teresa’s stroking me surreptitiously during Wicked, her eyes looking into mine, yeah this felt good… the oral sex in the limo on the way to the Rainbow Room, the feel of her hair over me, I stroked a little faster… our sneaking off to the closed section of the Rainbow Grill for groping, her breath in my ear, her grinding her body on mine in the steam room before bed, oh, god, I was close...

“Bad boy!”

The yell scared me shitless as the lights suddenly snapped on to full and the door slammed open. Teresa stood there, gloriously naked and looking quite pissed off. I lay there in the bathtub open mouthed, nearly at orgasm. Without hesitation, she walked up to the faucet and turned on the shower full blast.

“Argggghh, wait, stop!” I cried as the cold water struck me. If not for the towels I would have hit my head on the bathtub badly, as it was I flailed around for a while before I could make it out. I didn’t see Teresa, but I grabbed a fresh towel to dry myself off and warm up.

Teresa stormed in again. “Bad boy!” she repeated and whacked me across the head with a rolled up New York Times she got from the room. I was stunned. Her other hand was balled on her hips and her eyes were narrowed.

“But Teresa...” I said, and I was startled to hear myself whine.

“But nothing! I trusted your word, and you were bad.” Oddly, I thought I saw tears forming in her eyes.

“No, wait...” I stammered, “I couldn’t help it. I need it so badly.”

“I thought you were more than just an animal. You could control yourself.” Teresa looked down. “I thought you were better than other men.” Suddenly she looked like a lost girl, vulnerable and sad.

I felt devastated out of proportion to the situation. I had made Teresa sad and disappointed, and it made me feel very bad. “I’m sorry, Teresa. I... I can do it if you really want me to.”

I felt something change in her. When she looked up at me she was smiling again, radiant and beautiful. My heart swelled and I felt happy again. She looked at me and said, girlishly, “Would you really? For me?”

“Yes, Teresa. For you, anything.” I said, feeling oddly protective, caring, and loyal.

“Come to bed, lover,” she said, and she led me to the bed. She kissed me, warmed with her body, stroked me, and said, “No man has ever done this for me.” She snuggled up to my aroused, twitching body, and fell asleep like a child in my arms.

When sleep finally took me, an hour later, a thought slipped through my consciousness: our relationship had changed, and I wasn’t clear headed enough to appreciate how.

Saturday, May 08, 2004

Northern Europe and NYC

I took a trip to Europe. Several people speculated that I went with a Seattle area provider that everybody seems to get obsessed over, but that was baseless rumor (or wishful thinking). No, I visited three countries and returned to NYC for more misadventures.


COPENHAGEN

A while ago I wrote about a Norwegian ex-provider in Manhattan who worked for one of the high end services where you have to drop in at their business location to look through photos before you can make a date. She is "H", single white female, Slavic looks, modeling portfolio. She was in NYC on an acting school scholarship from Norway (believe it or not), but the seduction of the NY party life distracted her from her mission. So she left the party life and moved back to Europe to finish her education. She is not a provider any longer, went drug free, enrolled at college in Copenhagen majoring in economics, got a job, and partied, well, less. Now at the ripe older age of 24, H is looking for a way to get back to the US to push her acting career, such as it is. The problem? A visa, or green card. Enter Sigmund Fuller, eligible bachelor, with portfolio of connections.

Well, not really. At least she's never said it this way, and I was quite clear that I couldn't help her. But over many months of IM and SMS contact, she has made it clear she is interested in a BF/GF relationship, as crazy as it might sound given the distance. She offers to fly out to the US or anywhere I go, even for visits as short as 24 hours. What can I say, it must be the charm...

...of my wallet? ;-)

Last November we tried out a five day visit in NY, and she was attentive, enthusiastic, and "seemed" interested.

So I met her in Copenhagen last weekend. Although the forecast was for rain, it was a spectacular weekend, a little cool, but very sunny. We spent a bunch of time at Tivoli, the outdoor amusement park in the city, as well as her apartment, a few shops, and at the d'Angleterre Hotel.

Copenhagen is a lovely city, about the population of downtown Seattle but without high rises (technically there are two high rises, but then they passed a ban on them, so the city looks pretty traditional.) There is one main shopping area, their Fifth Avenue, which is cobblestones and overhead hanging lamps. On a sunny day the canals are lined with beer patios and citizens and musicians all having a grand time. Inside the old world architecture is a strong appreciation for modern (Danish) design. Soothing environments and colors are omnipresent. This is a country that appreciates beautiful design.

Oh, and by the way, if you're interested in seeing their number one landmark, the "Little Mermaid", don't bother. I guarantee you'll be disappointed.

H had boasted over IM that she was exceptional at sex. She said she would make me "forget all the other girls." Unfortunately for her, since my Asia trip, I have new definitions of "exceptional," and she is exactly what an early-twenties party girl would think is exceptional: Energetic. Her basic skills are quite good, but it is her enthusiasm and energy, along with her sunny lack of inhibition, that make the difference. Her clear desire to be a GF made it fun. Her looks improved, as she's been working out. In fact, she has a job as a personal trainer. But I'll confess that her slavic facial features are a little severe for my ideal. And although her English is excellent, I can only take so much talk about being an actress. Her conversational pool is strictly shallow end.

But the sex, ah, the sex. I don't know how many of you remember the movie "Splash!" with Darryl Hannah. There were a series of scenes that implied they had a lot of sex in a short time. This was my experience with H in Copenhagen. Sex here, sex there, sex everywhere. Hotel, bathroom, garden, under the restaurant table, in the dressing room at a shop in Copenhagen's new mall, and in the Turkish bath at the basement of the hotel. She was non-stop. And although toward the end I was starting to get bored with her lack of conversational breadth, she was always able to interest me with that other kind of oral intercourse.

She dropped me off at the airport, walked me to security, and asked if she could visit me that weekend in NYC. For a variety of reasons (that you'll read about shortly) I could not do this, although I was sorely tempted (and sore, but that's another story). I promised to check my schedule for the next time and place we could meet. She'll be at Cannes during the Festival with her girlfriend, looking for a connection to the US. I hate Cannes. So booooooring, dah-ling! Nothing to do but eat and drink and stare at women at those terrible yacht parties. ;-)

BTW, while in Copenhagen, I met the queen, her son, and his fiancee. Apparently he is engaged to be married to an ex-Microsoft Australia employee he met at the Sydney Olympics. He was quite unlike that more famous "price of Denmark", with a better relationship with his mother, and his fiancee seemed far less, uh, troubled than Ophelia. ;-)


HELSINKI

I arrived in Helsinki late at night. It does not have the old world charm of Copenhagen, being somewhat more haphazardly developed and more democratically organized. Finland is only recently an independent nation (think 1917) and the first to give equal rights to women (1906 and 1930), having been a Grand Duchy of Sweden for 600 years, and then under the Tsar of Russia for a century. When they became independent, they decided against having a king or queen, but in compromise decided that their president would live in a "palace." Unfortunately it appears they were short on palaces at the time, so they put him in what looks like a 19th century low-rise office building. I found this out when I accidentally walked up to the front door and asked the single palace guard in front for directions to a local bar. I have co-workers with more home security than this guy!

I had more work in Helsinki than Copenhagen, but I invited a former co-worker from about 10 years ago to fly up from London (her own expense). We stayed separate rooms at the Hotel Kamp, where I had a suite and she had a smaller room. The hotel was famous for being the Finnish version of a Bohemian hangout, where poets, artists, and musicians of slightly unsavory character would while away the nights. The suite was about six times larger than her room, and was named after a famous Finnish poet that probably died in the hotel bed. They had just completed a remodel, and the place was very nice.

This friend "N" is older then my usual interest range, in fact she is over 40 and thus older than me. She went through a big health-conscious stage, going macrobiotic, yoga, and so on, and a side effect is that she's very attractive for a 40 year old. We never had a thing going at work, although she asked me out a few times. When she would ask me why I didn't date her, I'd tell her that I didn't date coworkers. I did take her to one Christmas party, but it was purely chaste, even when sleeping off the afterparty in the same bed. But she was nice, in a slightly weird way.

N was the one who suggested going to a show club in Helsinki called Alcatraz Club. It was an eclectic strip club with very strange decor. I was a bit uncomfortable, never having been with N in a remotely sexual situation. There were a few couples there, unlike most US strip clubs, and there was a lot of sexual ambience. Given she had written at least two books on Internet resources, I started to wonder if she knew all about this ahead of time, but in any event after a half dozen drinks in me, her willingness started to look very good. You know, something about upping the rate of sexual activity to, say, six times a day, seems to get my libido recalibrated to the new level of demand pretty quickly, and my reptilian brain was telling me that at 24 hours I was long overdue for some activity.

So what can I say? My friend and I ended up in my suite with Swedish erotica on the set. She acted like sex was water and she just came off a week stranded in the desert. That evening I officially qualified as macrobiotic!

As far as I can remember, I've never crossed over friends to sex. There was a little discomfort the morning after, but I'm told there's an ointment for that. ;-) Just kidding. Was the guilt worth it? Yes. There are no strings, and it was fun. We connected very well, and it was rare to have a fellow geek to hook up with. (Dakota and Tasha Ray are probably the next closest geek providers I knew, but both were nowhere near N, who is also an adjunct professor in mathematics at a major university.) Perhaps I should try it more.

We then went to London together. On the flight over N told me not to worry about it, it was just fun, and not to get hung up over "sex for fun." There was a little problem, though... I had an appointment in London.


LONDON

We arrived in Heathrow and went into town. I made some excuses about having work commitments, but N naturally was expecting to stay with me that night. Originally she had a previous engagement, but this event mysteriously disappeared. Unfortunately, I had a month-old reservation with a beautiful gal Anais I had met in Manchester on a previous visit, and I had been looking forward to it for some time. N was great, but she wasn't the bundle of young sexual energy I was looking for.

Anais is young, fresh, and remarkably mature for her age. This phrase, "remarkably mature for her age" appears often in reviews of escorts, leading me to believe that hobbyists must meet a large number of woman who are remarkably immature for their age. But in this case it is deserved. She acts like a gal who had top scores at finishing school, and I'd commend her even more highly if not for the NYC experience that followed. And Anais isn't outrageously expensive. (Although there are far better deals to be had from the eastern Europeans that have flooded the London market.) My appointment included premium seats to the sold out show Jailhouse Rock, and dinner at Zuma.

Well, I wasn't able to pry myself out of N's clutches to keep my appointment, so I had to cancel with Anais. When I was able to sneak out to call her mobile, she was courteous enough to seem bummed out. But I offered my tickets if she'd pick them up from the concierge. Indeed she was willing, and she told me that she would call me when she arrived so we could at least say "hello."

Anyhow, I told N that I had a visitor. N presumed it was business. As N lived in London, she went to check on her apartment or something and consequently was not with me when the concierge called to tell me that Anais had arrived.

I went down to meet her, and she had brought Mimi, who was her bisexual girlfriend. Anais mentioned that they would be taking in the show together, and then whispered in my ear, "Too bad you're not coming out with us tonight since Mimi's been wanting to meet you." And she licked my ear. I mentally cursed the fact that I could not extend my stay in London, since I had yet another rendezvous scheduled in NYC, but tried to make a reservation for "next time." She acted coy and said that she needed to check her email, so could she come up to my room? Well, I wasn't born a complete idiot (idiocy is a learned behavior), so I assented.

In London I stay at a boutique hotel called the Halkin that has almost an excess of high design decor. But it's a nice hotel and I like the concierge a lot. Mimi and Anais came up, make some noises about my cool notebook computer, and then without any embarassment Anais said, "Mimi, you can use the computer. I'm going to have a word with Mr. Fuller." She pushed me into the bedroom and without warning and in less than 2 seconds was dictating to my better half!

Ok, I'm exaggerating. It was probably more like 10 seconds. And it's only really my better 1/20th.

By WEIGHT, of course! ;-)

After I got my eyes uncrossed, I saw Mimi in the doorway, acting, well, lacivious. She cooed, "Anais, you know I've never touched a man's willie, can I touch his?"

Now let's be clear. One of the things I like about Anais is that she role plays with the mind of a Penthouse Forum staff writer. So I knew this was a setup. But it was a great setup, and given the impromptu nature of the encounter coupled with the blood rushing away from my brain, I could almost convince myself it was true.

Needless to say the coquettish, virginal, lesbian Mimi got exposure to several new experiences, from the feel of a man's member, to the proper way to pleasure it, to the art of the finish.

The whole thing lasted a bit over a half hour. And I tipped them more than the tickets, and then rang housekeeping to tidy up the room while I prepared for dinner.

After a long but ambiguous night of talking about our friendship, followed by snuggling with N. N and I had resolved that our friendship was primary, and a little sex wasn't bad since we wouldn't see much of each other. With that reassurance, I left the next day for NYC.


NEW YORK CITY

New York is my home, or at least my other home. It's an area where I am very comfortable.

You may recall I wrote before about a mistress "T" that was looking for a new patron. She lives in Seattle (and in fact was a referral from a local hobbyist who prefers to remain anonymous). You may recall that I had rejected her proposal and at the time of my writing, she hadn't answered my rejection.

Well, it turned out T had a personal crisis, and claimed this had affected our trial period. A parent was diagnosed with cancer, and as the sole child she was coordinating the family response. She was understandably hard to get a hold of during that time, and somewhat preoccupied. My rejection came during the chemotherapy when T was in her parent's home state. After the immediate crisis had stabilized, which was a few weeks after my rejection, T contacted me and told me what had happened. She said that she felt a strong connection with me, but knew that the trial hadn't gone well, so she wanted to give it another try, for at least a couple of days.

Well, it wasn't the typical sob story, but I've been shined on before, pretty badly in fact. T knew this and was a good sport about verifying her story. I felt like a heel doing it, and I realized that T has never lied to me (as far as I know, of course!)

My previous report on T said that she was smart, sexy, and her service balanced out to nearly the top providers' equivalents. (In fact, an acquaintance had dated T and made a comparison to a top Seattle provider. Initially I disagreed, but that was probably due to the first encounter being at 3 AM.) Hanging out with T was different than with many (but not all) other providers: for one thing, T was deeply well-adjusted, intellectually independent, entirely drug free, not heavily tattooed, far more monogamous, and socially classier. I liked her, but it seemed dangerous since the traditional provider-hobbyist or even mistress-married man boundaries weren't there. And my experience in Korea kind of ruined me around that time.

But what's life without danger? T herself suggested a date range since her mother's condition had stabilized, so I made arrangements to meet her in NYC on the return leg of my Europe trip. It was relatively convenient to where her parent lived, so it seemed quite reasonable.

The weather was marvelous, sunny and mild in NYC for the three days we had together. We dined at Spice Market and Jean Georges. We saw Wicked. We talked through the waning moon over after they shut down the lights of the Empire State Building. We compared books and disagreed. We talked politics. And we had great sex, in a variety of locations: recently I've been going through some kind of public spaces fetish, I guess.

We even discussed my experiences in Asia, and she talked about how she'd love to learn those techniques... because, in her words, then she could "rule the world." Now that's a thought...

T is quite liberal artsy, having worked in politics, journalism, and even a bit of liberal activism. And sometimes she acts a bit too... preppy? Radcliff-ish? So she isn't perfect. And if she was a real girlfriend instead of a mistress, I could see some real arguments in our future. ;-)

On the physical side, T is beautiful, and for whatever reason, she prefers not to show off in public. I had to ask her to bring a dress... but one of the ones she brought nearly broke my zipper.

Her face is very pretty. She has a wonderful way in which she arches her eyebrow in conversation that, to me, is very sexy, and she smiles a lot. She has chestnut hair with artificially-enhanced red streaks.

Her sexual performance was great. Perhaps some of it was her mind being clearer with the stabilization of the medical emergency. Or perhaps it was the addition of the stress that gave her the additional energy. But the encounters were quite like the early stages with a girlfriend, when it's really good and she really seems to want and need you.

I had meetings most of the day she was scheduled to leave, so I said my goodbyes from the room when I left that morning. She was tired, but she awakened, told me she had a wonderful time, and said she would get a hold of me shortly.

By the way, one of my meetings that day was with J, the jet-setting, island-owning, model-porking, morals-lacking guy I travelled to hell and back with earlier. He did not invite me to another party. So I guess I failed that test. ;-)

But he's going to Cannes. He's interested in hooking up with Paul Allen there. Maybe he'll meet US visa-seeking H there and they'll solve each other's problems.


SUMMARY

Counting the good ol' US of A, this was four countries and four different partners (I'll count G and Mimi as one) in about a week. Most renumeration was in kind; this mostly wasn't about paid providers.

So does anybody know of:

1) A gay hollywood man looking for a marriage of convenience to a Norwegian wife seeking a carte verte? H is willing to pay $5000 or more per year for the two years needed.

2) A macrobiotic scientist who will treat a smart gal with a comfortable investment portfolio nicely?

3) A rich married guy willing to spend over $100k/year for a classy and skilled courtesan?

Maybe I should start a matching service! ;-)