My Dinner with Sigmund and What Follows

I am in Seoul. I am getting ready to head to Beijing, Tokyo, Hong Kong, and other places. It is March 7, a Monday, and I am having dinner with Sigmund.

As is customary with Sigmund, we talk about a wide range of topics. We are unfettered by convention, social or intellectual. He mentions he will be in Tokyo with Jenny next week. He suggests we meet for dinner there. He will obtain a table for four at Arronia de Takazawa. He thinks it is one of the two or three best restaurants in the world.

I am left struggling to find a date. I ask him for suggestions. He says I should send a message to Yu-na. I tell him that is over and done. She has made it clear to me that there is no future with us together.

Sigmund leans forward. “Do you want it to be over and done?” he asks. I tell him, truthfully, that I do not. I confess to him the activities I only terminated a month ago. The emptiness of the Arrangements. The compromise of my own rules. I reiterate, I do not want it over and done.

“Tell her that. She will come back to you,” he smiles enigmatically and folds his arms like he’s some kind of fucking Yoda. I tell him, no, it won’t happen. I have to just get over it. Sigmund’s voice hardens. “No,” he tells me, poking me for emphasis, “You have to get over being a chicken shit. She said put her heart out for target practice for you last year. Now it’s your turn.”

He takes a pull on his drink, repeats his prognostication: “If you have the guts to ask, she will have the guts to try again.” He looks satisfied, like he knows I’ll do it, even as I shake my head no.

I am quiet.

I realize my feelings.

And that night, I send an email.

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In Beijing I’ve had a grueling set of meetings. I’m also preparing to be in Tokyo starting March 12.

But suddenly all sense of tiredness evaporates. Yu-na agrees to join me for dinner with Sigmund and Jenny in Tokyo on March 16…