An Obligatory Update

I had to kick Sam in the posterior to create sufficient incentive for him to post. If he were to copy my bad habits, given all the bad habits that are in his unique possession, what other than perdition could be in his future? (Of course he will not credit me with even this small victory, as he claims what put him over the edge was a female blogger.)

But in return he challenged me to put in a status update, saying that recent happenings on my side may be “blogworthy.” It seems hardly fair, he having a fair amount of free time in a nearly-tropical climate allegedly performing charity-related work but really making good with an previous obligation. In contrast I am busy in northern Europe, chasing a deal with contacts that Sam helped set up. I originally considered that to be a friendly deed on his part, but after freezing myself for a few weeks in the –15 degree weather and nearly constant darkness, I am starting to wonder… and I should feel obligated to post on the blog?

I have to point out that it was my belief – not challenged by Mr. Spayed – that the ratio of posts between us would asymptotically reach 10:1. A brief examination of the blog dating to the start of our partnership reveals his three posts to my one. Assuming we both post, as Sam requests, it will stand at four to two. In my opinion, this is not progress. I believe I will have to renegotiate terms. Perhaps Mr. Spayed lacks incentives which may be best achieved by linking his performance in this partnership to my performance in other partnerships. For example, I could index his returns from (Jenny, Peau and my) marriage fund to his posting ratios. Hmm…

In the past year Jenny has managed her school to some level of prominence. Asia did not suffer as deep an economic hardship as experienced in the United States. The briefer downturn enabled her to upgrade management and expand in footprint. As a consequence she is able to serve a greater number of children in need. She even considered a business arrangement with one of Sam’s ex-Arrangement partners, but that did not work out logistically. Jenny has learned a lot of about management, in particular of a non-profit. As I write this she is in Malaysia visiting one of her closest friends, so she is also enjoying some tropical heat.

I continue to believe that having our own activities and the short and planned separations full of focused work do make the reunions, well, more passionate and accrue to the strength of our relationship. Sometimes it burns brighter or less bright, but it always feels deeper and more secure.

Other activities since last October included a wicked multicity birthday party for a friend, a few wrenching management changes in companies I have, a series of huge opera-worthy dramas in the mistress lives of friends, and a big asset sale followed by a bigger charitable donation.

Jenny and my sexual training sessions officially completed last year. Now we focus on recitation. We are currently trying a scheduled approach and, so far, it is working. It might sound boring to have a schedule for sex, but with such a rich menu of options and such a variable set of resources available depending upon which location, well… it works. Trust me. Add this to the list of powers that that preserve monogamy and combat the natural tendencies to seek variety in partners – there just will never be a partner as good as Jenny. It isn’t just words I have to tell myself, it’s reality.

Of course this begs many other questions about longevity – how long can the sex stay great before age-related issues get in the way? And then does monogamy end? I have a theory about the importance of matching that to age-based interest in sexual activity, but that’s a topic for another day. Another topic for the future, perhaps, is an interesting story about the threesome experiences Jenny and I had. The short form is that it created complications because we seriously blew the fuse of this poor young woman and she became somewhat addicted. Ending it was difficult. We have decided the tripod stabilization theory is not for us; that Peau is enough of a stabilizing influence. So maybe two topics to consider for the future…

Assuming that Mr. Spayed can find twenty or thirty other topics to post in the meantime. And, no, Sam, it doesn’t count to make lots of one paragraph posts. Shame on you for even thinking that. The readers deserve more.

An Absence Explained

I’m almost as bad as Sigmund with these sudden absences. As they say, “my bad.”

What happened?

It was the Arrangement. I modified it. And it bit me. But I get ahead of myself. First I must catch you up, dear reader. So rather than going through the first three arrangements, let me start with the most recent one. The Internet one.

In late October of 2008 I embarked upon my fourth Arrangement. I mostly used Seeking Arrangement, an Internet site. I spent three months vetting hundreds of candidates down to four. I put a lot of miles on my jet. By February 2009 I tried to pick one. What happened at that point was a departure from my plans.

As I noted below, an Arrangement consists of an entrepreneur, a business plan, and an investment. It results in a contract with a term, goals, a consulting contract and scheduling commitments. That worked in my first three Arrangements. Not so this time.

This time I found out that none of the four could produce a business plan. Their personalities were entrepreneurial. That was not the problem. And they met the other criteria I had for charm, wit, looks, elegance, and so on. But their ability to focus and produce something, even a plan, was too limited. The limitations were from a lack of ability, or a lack of experience, or a lack of focus.

Of course the purpose of mentoring is to help a lack of ability, experience or focus. But I needed some baseline capability to build upon. I was not finding it.

So I modified the arrangement. I felt two of the candidates only lacked experience. So I decided to support them while they brought themselves to the point of producing a plan. I put them through school. I allowed them to have the time to develop their interests and skills to the point where a plan could be produced. So I dropped the business plan component out of the Arrangement. During the first year their focus was to be purely on studies. There would be no romantic meetings or sex. The stated goal was for one of them to move to a real Arrangement in 12 to 18 months.

Unfortunately, upon reviewing progress after six months very little was happening. So I suggested that we drop the implicit transition to an Arrangement and just complete two years support for their education. The two women were not happy with this and independently petitioned “for another chance.” This escalated to a point during the Thanksgiving holiday, shortly after my last post. Various personal dramas and other events made the situation untenable. I would not back out of the financial commitment, but I wanted out of the rest.

Modifying the Arrangement was a bad idea. Without the stability of a project, the non-traditional commitments and uncertainties brought out the worst in the participants in terms of insecurities.

My other Arrangements were so much more enjoyable that there is no comparison.

I’ll write about why.

And how I am trying things differently this time. How I will try the Asian approach. In America.