Catching Up, Mistresses: Three Strikes and Yer Out!

As the reader may recall, I spent some time trying out mistresses. I analyzed costs and talked about a few experiences last year. I rounded out the mistress experiments toward the end of last year, and then gave it all up.

Why? Well, here's how it went:

STRIKE ONE

I had an interview process for mistresses which had led me to the few I tried last year. I continued the tail end of this interview process into last fall. Scheduling issues drove the last three meetings.

Rachel was an elegant mistress who was already a sex worker on the east coast. She was extremely intelligent, well read, intensely curious, and could write fantastic and thought provoking email. Sometimes I would get very turned on from her emails, despite virtually no sexual content. We met once, wholly non-sexually, but the excitement was definitely there. Unfortunately schedules were too difficult and we never made another connection. It also started to become obvious to both of us that the mistress concept wouldn't really work out -- it was too confining for her, and too episodic for me.

Around that time Rachel had an amazing opportunity to follow her dream (and it's a noble one), and she wisely chose to take it.

Ah, we never even had sex, but, boy, the foreplay was great...

STRIKE TWO

Raisa was a civilian, not at all related to the sex industry, in New York. She was an extremely drop-dead attractive Asian woman, born and raised in the US, college educated, and working in the real estate business. We had talked extensively on the phone, where she was the right mixture of flirtatious and charming. She was good on email. We had a rough patch when we kept missing connections, but eventually we hooked up in person. She wasn't as intellectually powerful as Rachel, but she was bright, fun, and witty. Sexually she was not as skilled as T, another mistress from the past, and certainly not as skilled as May or several other ladies from Asia, but she was energetic and fun. She was also younger than T, at a mere 23 years of age.

Alas, after a few dates over a few months, Raisa found the love of her life. After some consultation with me, we agreed this was not compatible wth the mistress system, so I wished her the best of luck, and away she went, moving to Texas in the process.

STRIKE THREE

Francisca was a southern California girl who worked as a print model in London, California and Chicago. There is a reasonable chance you've seen her in a magazine. She has been on second-rate covers and many advertisements. Gorgeous, but having hit 30, and seeing the handwriting on the wall with regards to her modelling career, she was willing to consider alternatives. I'm sure at 21 she would not have given me the time of day.

Again we spent some time talking by phone and email beforehand. She was more erudite than expected, and, did I say a knockout in the looks department? Yep. But to make a long story short, although I had invested the time in meetings and elaborate discussions on mistress terms, it did not work out. On a three day trip I found that she was a very hard partier, and she turned out to be just too crazy. She was all over me for sex, but there was no way I was going to complicate the situation after I saw the copious amounts of substances she seemed to like. Been there, done that. No more. So I held out for three days (not easy, I'm telling ya), and we parted, slightly unamicably.

How do they say it in baseball?

YER OUT!

The mistress situation seems to have just the wrong amount of commitment. It has the contractual upside that I like (and have written extensively about), and it is less transactional than traditional providers, which I also like. But I never got it off the ground from an emotional side. I think you can't set up a mistress situation upfront. In order to make the long term commitment that makes the whole thing make sense, you have to know each other too well. And the shorter term commitments it takes to get there (say, at six month lengths) were too difficult to make given my travel schedule.

So I write off the mistress case for now. But stay tuned, it kind of comes back...

Catching Up, Romance, Pass and Fail

In my six month absence from posting, I had two romantic encounters. Much like an audit or non-major course in college, romantic relationships are best taken pass-fail. If you're grading them, you're probably thinking in the wrong way. If you're grading them on a curve, you're definitely around the bend!

So I failed one, and passed one. I may elaborate on this post by editing it in the future, but I'll at least give you the skeleton of what happened.

I came close to a long-term relationship with one woman, but there were issues of timing and distance. I did not blog this as it was happening -- it seemed too personal and the woman in question was very guarded about privacy. In the end, perhaps I was ready to move forward when she was not, and in too much of a hurry; and then later I was not ready when she was. And being in different countries didn't help a whole lot. Then there were implicit and explicit inequities that I've written about extensively in the past. To her credit, these were more my hangups than hers.

Those sort of timing disappointments can cool ardor, and yet create good friendships, so all was not in vain. After all, a good friendship can outlast a relationship and enable relationship diversity much more easily than romance. Or am I the fox envying the grapes? Read on...

A few months later I started another romance. Well, that sounds too deliberate. This was seriously a case when I was not looking to start anything. Really. And yet it happened. And it turned into one of those crazy whirlwind things that you might see in a movie, but then again, if you saw it you probably wouldn't believe it. I'll write about it later, and I'm willing to bet some people won't believe it, but, hey, what can I do about that?

But this posting isn't about the details. It's about the high level view. What about romance makes it worth analysis here?

Prostitutes can give men the illusion of romance, on a short time scale. Men's view of romance is affected greatly by sexual gratification, and this has a big impact on how easily men can lose their better judgement in matters of the heart with a prostitute.

On the other hand, my anorgasmia gives me a more detached perspective on this, usually. And I, too, can give a pretty good illusion of romance. Women's view of romance is affected by security, togetherness and material satisfaction, and I believe this has a big impact on how easily women can be influenced in matters of the heart. Although they are intrinsically more pragmatic, perhaps they are also less prepared for an assault in this direction. Or perhaps they are prepared for an assault, but not a gentle and pleasant introduction to a life of romance. In both cases is it about implicit wish fulfillment?

I do not make such advances deliberately, but a week I spend with a woman is a romantic experience. I like to experience that. I like to provide that. Just like an ideal female provider would enjoy providing sexual satisfaction to her clients, and enjoy the process herself -- well, that's what I do with romantic material experiences. I love women in that way, and I love romance in that way.

But it can create imbalanced expectations for romance and commitment. I see this in my romantic failure. And I worry about this in my apparent romantic success. And I'll revisit this in my posting about stalkers.

Interlude: Nightclub Speed Dating

Although I am in the midst of posting many catch-up items, from time to time I'll add an interlude. This is one.

I want to write about a funny kind of nightclub that has sprung up in Asia. It was actually covered on the front page of the Wall Street Journal last year, but it has really taken off in a way.

Imagine a nightclub. It has a dance floor, a DJ, a bar. But it also has private rooms. You can have bottle service in those rooms, and even sing some karaoke.

The Wall Street Journal article described a place without rooms, where waiters would invite and then drag women from their tables to meet men at other tables. This was the dating aspect. Women would be dragged protesting, therefore preserving their public face and honor. They didn't want to meet those strange men in a public place, that's why they were protesting.

But of course, that's why they were there. So this nightclub dating is a closed door version of this. In this case, rather than men telling a waiter to introduce the cute woman at table 21, waiters are taking some initiative to bring women from other rooms they think will match the men in the room. Think of this as a civilian. You are a woman with a few girlfriends, and you decide to do this. You sit in your room chatting with your sisters and a waiter comes in and invites you to another room. He'll put the hard sell on how great the guys in there are. He might invite just you, and perhaps you and your friends. So if you decide to go, you might come back in a little while and share your experience with your girlfriends. Or you might bring a guy or three back. Or you might invite your galpals to join you (remember that everybody has a handphone). Or you might not come back that night...

Of course some of the gals who show up are semi-pros. Maybe even real professionals, although there are sufficient other venues for them. But even the non-pros can usually gain the benefit of free drinks. And the manager will cultivate the attractive gals and try to give them freebies to get them coming back. After all, it's a competitive environment.

Catching Up, Travelogue: 'Round the World 60 Days

I have been travelling further than usual. In the last six months I went around the world three times, and around Asia a few more. The around the world itineraries were:

1. Asia / Dubai, UAE / Barcelona, Spain / Jalisco, Mexico / Asia
2. Asia / Paris, France / Oslo, Norway / London, UK / Vancouver, CA / Asia
3. Asia / Moscow, Russia / Montreal, Canada / New York, USA / Asia

I also did several tours of north Asia and southeast Asia. I visited Korea, Japan, Taiwan, Singapore, China, Malaysia, Indonesia, Sri Lanka, India and the Maldives. More on those trips later.

Some people have asked me for some opinions on travel. Basically, I'm a fan of teleportation. Airplanes suck. Private jets are much better than commercial flight (in large part due to the lack of airport queuing), but the logistics of managing them is a pain, and I am entrepreneurial enough that the price premium bothers me. A lot.

Outsourcing private aircraft logistics, or using fractional shares sounds good in principle, but my several active lawsuits in those areas show that not everything always goes smoothly.

First-class travel is actually improving in many ways, but I have to say that service in the first class cabin doesn't seem as good now as it used to. Perhaps I am jaded. But recently I have tried most all the top-rated airlines' first class long-haul cabins: Singapore, Cathay Pacific, British Air, Air France, Emirates without a big impression left on me.

Um, cancel that. There were two things that were impressive.

Emirates first class had suites. I mean a private room. You can close these nifty sliding doors and have complete privacy. And the plane is pretty quiet. Almost as quiet as a GIV, although not as quiet as the Global Express (with standard outfitting).

The only problem: they are individual rooms. So what am I supposed to do with all that privacy? Nothing fun?

Actually, the middle seats have a two person configuration, but they are separated by a thick half-height partition that holds all the electronics and other odds and ends, so no hanky panky there either.

I wish somebody would have a couples configuration...

The second great experience? The Air France - Four Seasons Georges V collaboration in Paris. Somehow they arranged it so that I was met right outside the airplane door by the an agent from the Four Seasons -- I don't mean at the gate, I mean literally two feet outside the door of the plane in the jetway! And she was quite a welcome to Paris: a tall, very pretty, blonde who escorted me through customs with extreme dispatch (as it turns out, too much dispatch, but more on that later.) Then she handed me off to a very sexy raven-haired chauffer in a black Mercedes S500 who looked like she stepped out of the Matrix, skin tight slacks and all. Well, that was pretty cool... although they all wore way too much perfume.

I like the EU unified currency and relaxed passport rules, but there was a hitch. In France, my entry into the EU, they failed to stamp my passport. Nobody noticed this on my subsequent travel on the continent, all being within the EU, but upon my EU exit in London there were, well, let's say there were issues that caused significant delays.

Other than that I have little to add to the many blogs and other more informed commentaries on travel. I've been too busy to enjoy much in the way of yachts and such, although I'll describe a few vacation days I spent in a later posting. But if I had to say one word of wisdom about travelling, it would be this:

I continue to believe that the very best asset a hotel can have is a great concierge. It's better than a great butler, restaurant, decor, tech gadgets, or even location. A great concierge can make life simple, grand, relaxing, exciting, whatever you should want. A good one can arrange a discount for your room, make your travel arrangements, purchase and transport local items you may need, arrange your favorite foods... pretty much everything a personal assistant could or would do. I tip them heavily, because more than any other person, they can make your trip.

Treat your concierge well.

Catching Up, Backdrop: Companies in Asia

No discussion of my last half year would be complete without talking about work. I did start seven companies in less than six months. Finding people wasn't too difficult; once the word spread I had to erect barricades over the doors. Unemployment is higher than they let on in Asia. But little things were tough. Like obtaining a tax opinion. Finding an attorney. Locating outsourced HR and accounting services. Obtaining appropriate certificates. Or even little things like getting documents notarized. Small things add up quickly and end up taking an unbelievable amount of time, especially when multiplied by four different countries. Contrast this to the United States where I can get a company established in a day or two via email. This is one of those cases where familiarity does not breed contempt!

You need assistants. I had hoped to break the custom you find in Asia, where almost all business is conducted by junior assistants working for senior businessmen. I thought I could do it myself. But the time-consuming parts wear you down. After a while, you just break down and hire a couple of flunkies. Now when I say "flunkies" I say that with the deepest respect! Although they are junior, the ones I hired all have advanced degrees. Yet they are willing to go spend an entire day in line at some officious bureaucrat's queue waiting for a single document to be stamped. Then they bring you gifts when they visit! I figure the requirement for having flunkies must be some kind of filter to keep the riff-raff out of the business world.

Boy, it's annoying.

So now I have a payroll of flunkies. They're also happy to show up at the airport when you arrive and carry your luggage. Weird.

Which reminds me... I actually have eight companies I started. There's this chauffer I took a liking to, and tried to hire. Since I'm not in any one country truly full time, he said he'd like to fill the down time with other customers, and then share the revenue with me. So I said ok. Then he bankrolled a friend with the surplus left from the advance I gave him. Instant limo company. That one was easy -- I just supplied a little capital, which was less than I would have paid in rental fees anyhow.

Ok, back to the topic at hand.

One of the most fascinating things I have discovered is the importance of drinking to business negotiation. It's not just joining the fraternity, or learning to trust through drunkeness. No, it's a deeper matter than I had suspected (and wrote about in the group sex and drinking entry last year).

Most of the Asian companies are very hierarchical. Outside of China (where they do not bow to each other), there is a highly-visible Confucian culture of respect. A senior manager could be spouting off the most ridiculous gibberish for a strategic plan, yet no junior employee dare tell that manager that he's a fool.

Now one would think that the companies must collapse under a system like that. No checks and balances, and no sanity-checking... all conspiring to empower stupid top-down ideas and kill pragmatic bottom-up ideas. Recipe for disaster.

But there is a hidden check and balance mechanism... drinking.

When a boss and underling are drinking, nothing the underling says can be held against them. So they can go ahead and tell the boss that the last idea was idiotic. They can say he's a fuckup and has body ordor. And there can be no backlash. This is the pressure release valve in an excessively hierarchical society. It is how a manager learns about what's going on in his organization. It is how an employee gives feedback. And it's under the protective aegis of being drunk and out of control.

Despite the fact that most of these northern Asian countries are slowly pickling the livers of their best businessmen, you cannot give up drinking. It is the only thing that keeps the hierarchical system from exploding violently.

But there is another side effect... alcohol-based honesty also lubricates business negotiations. Many years ago I hated Asian business deals. Often you would present terms, and they would be politely rejected. Nothing wrong with that, except that nobody will tell you what was wrong with the terms. So you end up trying to guess. Which is like diagnosing a patient by amputating body parts until it doesn't hurt any more.

So here's the secret: get them drunk. Then they will share with you the truth of what they hate, and what they'd like to see. Remember, anything goes when you're drunk, so you can say things without losing face. There is plausible deniability. And yet, it is how you get closer to the truth in negotiations.

And it actually works.

Now what this posting really is... is a long-winded justification for all the drinking I've done in Asia. Which is a significant amount. Yes, I'm also pickling my liver for the cause. Rah, rah.

And unfortunately I'm receiving only positive reinforcement for this bad behavior. I have seven companies up and running (ok, eight, but that last one didn't require any drinking, just driving!) They seem to be doing well. And people are impressed with my ability to close deals... well, it's Jack Daniels and me. (Actually, more expensive whiskey than good ol' Jack, but that sounded good.)

By the way, to give you a sense of what a night of drinking will cost... between $1000 and $3000 per foursome, depending on where you go and how long you are out. A "good" night drinking is when each person has consumed about a bottle of whisky.

And oddly, I've lost weight drinking, despite the amazing amount of calories I am consuming in this manner. I assume it's from vitamin deficiency, deleterious liver effects, stomach adsorption, or something healthy like that...

Asia needs livers!

Oops, I Did it Again...

There is a lot to catch up on, as it has been a long time between posts. My last post was in December and it is now almost six months later. Two things conspired toward this delay: a tremendous surge in work and a romantic interlude. Rather than tire you with one mega-entry, I will break it up into parts.

You will recall that I spent much of last year experimenting with new relationships, investigating the parameters of paid sex, mistresses, and the relevance of a romantic relationship to a busy lifestyle. But I left a lot of things hanging since my last postings. What happened to the mistress experiments? The promise of long-term relationships? What about the genius women and the last hope of man? And how are those Asia connections going?

Of course the biggest change is that I have moved to Asia. I have a fairly large villa in city and am temporarily basing myself there, although I still consider myself homeless. Why move to Asia? You may also recall that I had diversified my sexual experiences in Asia, finding levels of skill there that were quite impressive, even though the communications barrier created problems with translating any of that into a fulfilling relationship. My expectations of sex were raised higher, perhaps to unrealistic levels given my usual anorgasmia. But that's not the reason I am there. No, it's business that drives me across the Pacific.

(Ironically, since moving here I've had less diversity of sex than before. Go figure...)

So in the next few postings, I'll bring you up to date on what's been happening. I'll chronicle a little about my failure to establish one long term relationship, and my apparent success in another. I'll talk about stalkers and stockings; trouble and travel; love and loss; and ventures and adventures. But first... By the Numbers (since my last posting):

• countries visited: 18
• prospective employees met: 23
• prospective partners met: 12
• companies started: 7
• relationships started: 5
• sexual partners: 4
• stalkers: 4
• expenses: ~$922k (personal costs + business costs), or about $5k/day
• charitable donations: ~$1221k, or about $7k/day